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an empty street, an empty house..
a hole inside my heart..
i am all alone and the rooms are getting smaller...
i wonder how, i wonder why, i wonder where they are..
the days we had.. the songs we sang.. together!! oh yeah!!!!!!
I was listening to this song by Westlife when suddenly I heard a knock on my door.. I opened it ..and it was him on the other side! I signalled him to come inside and we sat on my bed! His face seemed different.. something was amiss.. i couldn’t spot that everlasting smile that i usually associate with this guy!!!!! Why? What had happened???
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Well folks, I am really sorry that I had to make you guys wait this long..Life s on the edge and I am living it one day at a time.. We had a few difficult days in CVTS of late,and so I hardly had any time to pen down my thoughts which I so very badly wanted to do!
......but today I spoke to a very close friend.. my student once upon a time..then an intern and now a very close aide, and as he narrated to me the recent turn of events in his life, my heart bled for this poor lil creature.. so just hold back guys, take a deep breath and relax..as I take you through my next piece of work...Im gonna take about 12 mins of your life.. it will take you 10 mins to read it and I reserve the next 2 mins for you to write a comment in the comments section!
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So , here it goes...
Enter MBBS.. the turning point for most of our lives ... and the modest backdrop to this whole story...[yup, as usual its a true story and i will change the names to protect the identities of those concerned!]
It was the first day of MBBS...
....“We welcome you to this wonderful profession and a world where happiness lies in giving away things.. being selfless and striving to do the best that we can for the poor sufferers of pain and infirmity, those ill fated inopportunes that we refer to as- our patients!
....’om sibi sibi sed omnibus’.. that should be your motto for the years to come.. “not for self but for all!!!!”
...a thunderous rapture greeted those lines made by none other than our respected dean sir!! Yes.. today was Noah s first day at JMLT and in this cherished and most sought field of medicine!!!
The next place to visit the very next day, was the ‘dissection hall’.. and what a site awaited the eyes! Cadavers ...in fact many cadavers.. all strewn upon the tables and waiting for us to explore them and gain an useful insight to our bodies! Thud!!!!!!! Oh!! It seemed like someone had hit the ground real hard.. Noah rushed to see.. and what did he see.. a sweet lil gal had a sudden blackout! People rushed to get her glucose to drink, some fanned her while the Prof suggested to elevate her legs and she would be fine in a while... as she opened her eyes she saw Noah and he could feel something... something that he just couldn describe coz he never had that feeling before![ Well, she fell down..and Noah ,too, fell.. but for her!! ]
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I was playing my favourite playlist on my laptop as we spoke and was there a better way to describe his feelings than this song which was playing..
woh pehli baar..jab hum mile..
haathon mein haath...jab hum chale
ho gaya yeh dil diwana..hota hai pyaar kya is ne jaana
tree aankho mein jannat basa ke chala
tere zulfon ki chaaw mein chalta chala
tere naino mein chain.. tere lab pe khushi
tujhko hi mein mohabbat banake chala...!!!
it was a fond rememberance of the days they had and I could see the tears in Noah s eyes!
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As the days went by, Noah s fondness for Allie grew likewise! [ Oops, did i forget to mention that her name was Allie.. Guys,m really sorry!]
At this juncture let me tell you something bout the two of them..
Noah was a very intelligent kid and a wonderful person at heart! He was good in studies , came from a family of doctors and would definitely do well in the years to come! Allie on the other hand was a sweet and cute lil gal..Her father was battling a terminal illness and her mother was a retired high court judge! And she had Noah for company.. someone who would take care of all the deficiencies in her life.. he was there by her side through thick and thin.. would sit with her everyday in the lib just to ensure that her studies were not affected due to the personal problems that she had! Obviously he missed out on his at times.. but Noah would never let her realise all that.. she was his only assignment and he felt that God had assigned her to him! Noah would skip his dinner but he would always drop something for Allie after the gates of the Girls’ Hostel were shut down![usually that would be eleven!].. It was during these days that Noah had confessed his love for Allie and she had agreed! ..promised him that come what may they would be together..till death did them apart! Noah was so happy on that day that he could not sleep the whole night..
and as he was narrating this, my playlist shifted to this lovely song by Nikhil D Souza-
mere bina main..rehne laga hun..
teri hawain..kehne laga hu..
jaane mein kaise ..tera hua hun..
mujhe to lagta hai main shayad..tere dil ki duaan hun..
tujh ko jo paaya.. toh jeena aaya..
ab yeh lamha thehar jaaye, tham jaaye, bas jaaye..
hum dono ke darmiyan..
tujhko jo paaya.. toh jeena aaya...
wow! that indeed summed up the phase that Noah was in at this point of time...
Well, the years slipped by quickly and I am sure you guys will agree! Before you know its already Final Year and Harrison, Bailey, Shaw, Ghai ..they re all there to rag you and squeeze out every lil bit of free space you possess in those wonderful microscopic entities called neurons!
As for Noah and Allie.. their love was 5 yr old by now ! Quite a few valentine days, some wonderful gifts and sweet moments; where they held hands , cuddled together in the darkness of PVR , and his shoulder doubled up as her ‘head rest’ ;had passed! University exams were round the corner.. and I too remember having prayed for them.. for her in particular when she said that her Gynaec pracs were in Wadia with some real nasty examiners to satisfy! She was my lil sis n i always wanted her and him..’the lovely couple’ to do well! Finally the results were out, I was due for a big treat! We were at TGIF and had a great time!
The next phase of life had begun and what a phase it would turn out to be! Internship was in..running from pillar to post for completions were a norm these days! It was then that suddenly, Allie lost her dad one day! She was heart broken.. inconsolable to say the least! Noah was there by her side ,as always!... he was ready to weather this storm which had engulfed his gal and he did pull her out of it unscathed! He stood behind her, helped her regroup and find her way! Slowly the days passed . AIPGEE was over and the results were out.. she had Opthal at Udaipur and he had Surgery at Patna.. separated by distance for the very first time!!!!! It was now that fate had decided to play its part! Allie went home to see her mom...
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Noah had started sobbing by now.. it was this part that he hated the most! On their last talk , over the phone,he had pledged his love for her...he knew that her mom was completely against their relationship and would never approve of it.. but he wanted it to happen , come what may! He just could not imagine his life without her...she was the pacemaker that drove his heart! Without her it would be a flat line! He just wanted her to know that- as Richard Marx beautifully expresses in his song...
oceans apart..day after day.
i m slowly going insane..
i hear your voice, all my life..
but it doesn’t stop the pain..
if i see you next to never.. how can we see forever..
wherever you go, whatever you do.. i will be right here waiting for you!
whatever it takes or how my heart breaks... i will be right here waiting for you!
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..........The skies were no longer blue.. the monsoons were here and along with it also arrived those dreadful thunderstorms!
Allie tried her best to convince her mom. but it was not to be! She was scorned off..ostracised by her family[ Mom s the word!] She was at cross roads and had to decide! Mom had fixed her engagement with another guy, a family friend s son..to make the matters worse! Clearly time was running out and there were only 2 choices.. her state reminds me of a similar state that the female protagonist had to face in the movie- The Notebook! And when that lady says –“ wat easy way out? there is no easy way out! whatever i do, somebody get s hurt..” Nicholas Sparks had indeed hit bulls-eye!
Allie had no support from her family but she had Noah and his family by her side! And it wouldn’t be an under statement to say that he would do anything and everything to keep her happy! He tried to convince her mom, but she would just not budge! She had to take the final call...
She decided that it would be the best to part ways!
And as Noah mentioned it to me.. he burst out crying..!
My playlist had probably decided to play a song apt for every mood today and so MLTR began.. on a melancholic note...
baby would you tell me why, there s sadness in your eyes!
i don’t wanna say goodbye..to you!
love is one thing in the ocean, i should try to forget..
but there is something left in my head!
you re the one who started it up..
and you re the one to make it stop!
i m the one who s feeling lost ..right now!
now you want me to forget, every lil thing you said..
but there is something left in my head!
...and that was the end of what would be a lovely story! Such a painful end to something that could blossom into a wonderful flower...
GUYS,
That brings me to the end of this write up and its time for your valuable suggestions..
Clearly the way i see it, this story could have had 2 endings..
One, in which Allie could go against her mom coz she knew that she would be happy only with Noah and every parent at the end of their lives would like to see their children happy! She would be ostracised, for a year or for an unknown period of time! True! But when her mom would realise that she was indeed happy ...she would be satisfied! And then she would be accepted back into the family! This was how I wished things would happen...
Two, Allie had to make that extremely difficult decision to defy her guy! B’coz at the end of the day it is never easy to go against someone who has brought you up, held you up when you could no longer walk..nursed your wounds as a child and prayed for you everyday of her life! You meekly surrender to fate and accept life as it would be...!
I really do not know which of the two is right...both are plausible theories and I believe both will ve their own supporters and detractors!
Who should shoulder the blame... the individual in question or the society at large! Will there ever be a day where ‘love’ would be valued over all or is that just a fictionary and imaginary thing that probably would never exist![ ..going by the fact that Allie s mom was a judge by profession, I thought that she would pass a fair judgement! But it was not to be! Clearly education and knowledge have no place when it comes to following the age old customs and traditions! We preach that things have to change but we are so defiant when it comes down to us..changing our outlook towards life! Hippocrates we are and thats what we would be!
And as I say goodbye... to both Noah and Allie... all I am gonna say is..
Allie, I know all is lost..and I am not blaming you for it..probably its destiny[ my favourite word..those who read my blog would surely know this!]! But the guy sitting next to me would like to sign off saying .....[..that s his last wish and Im sure you wouldn’t refuse to hear it..!]
Look into my eyes...you ll see
what you mean..to me!!
search your heart, search your soul...
you ll find me there, you search no more..!
don t tell me , its not worth trying for..
you cant tell me, its not worth dying for!
you know its true!!
everything i do... i do it for YOU!!!!
tats them..in happier times!!
8 comments:
Indeed a heartbreaking, forlorn end to a beautiful relationship very common in our profession I believe..sometimes it makes you numb and hopeless to see such happy-go-lucky people met with such tragic fate.
I think intolerance is a major evil in out society. The more we would start tolerating things happening in their own course,the more happy and uncomplicated we would be.
Excellently written!
Well that I can say that it is not always possible to keep everyone happy. Atleast, we can try by keeping ourselves happy. And most often than not, we realise that our happiness lies in the happiness of others! This is a situation of feeling bad or feeling worse, and one has to weigh all the components of the equation and decide whats best available solution. It may not be ideal, but it is the best available.
Its a little like Yin-Yang, they are the most suitable for each other. Ans when they get together, they have the best possible results, but then the Yin and the Yang never stay together forever, they move on their different paths, just knowing that they had the best phase of their existence. If they decide to remain together, invariably they end up destroying each other!
All that I can say, is no one knows what will happen down the road. Its best to assume that there would have been greener pastures if they had continued along. Or just relish the time they had.
I wish there was balance and that we could understand why God is doing the things that he does.
The mother has her child's best interests in mind and i am sure it is tearing her apart that her daughter has a difficult decision to make. Steve Jobs has said that 'The people in the Indian countryside don’t use their intellect like we do, they use their intuition instead, and their intuition is far more developed than in the rest of the world. Intuition is a very powerful thing, more powerful than intellect, in my opinion. That’s had a big impact on my work.' A judge or an uneducated mother, she has more experience than us and she has her reasons to do what she is doing... maybe someday we would understand. maybe we won't.
We can only hope that God is doing whatever he can for our happiness.
Things need not always change. Some customs and traditions are there for reasons we may not understand. I wish there would be a balance between the age old traditions & customs and the logical thinking of today's generations.
Whatever said, it is a very sad story and I wish that no one ever has to go through this.
Hi Sir.. Really good writeup.. Simple yet engaging.
To be honest, i cannot judge(pun unintended)anyone in the given siuation. Each person has a different point of view and has the best interest of the near and dear ones in their heart.
Like you, even i believe that no one can fight Destiny.
But what one can do after going through such an experience and the emotional trauma associated with it, is to consider it as a lesson of life and move on(Easier said than done).
Because each episode/ experience of life, however much weightage we give it, is a part of your of life and NOT LIFE ITSELF.
By the time we complete our PG, each person has gone through major and sometimes life changing problems, but the wisest thing to do is learn from our mistakes and not let the past ruin our future.
You may feel i have veered away from the topic, but this is my honest opinion.
When the going gets tough, The tough get going.
In a line, love is easy, relationship is a hard work...
The concept of "every parent at the end of their lives would like to see their children happy" is far more twisted than it appears... Some parents try to understand their children, some parents at least listen what their children have to say but there are plenty of those who think they know what is best for their child than anyone else. And in this regard they don't even consider what that child has to say! First kind is easy to convince n with some drama second kind agrees. But to deal with the third kind the 'child' has to be extremely strong.
Another aspect of this is parents always wish best for their child. But they don't understand the fact that in case where their child A is in relationship B; you have to think what best for A-B as a couple not A as a single entity! If A was single she would have been happy in situation "X" (Considered the best for her by her parents) But the parents have to understand the amount of grief n sadness would be caused by severing relationship between A-B devaluates the value of situation X.
For a child, hurting parents is always difficult... But the bigger picture is in the end it's not their life to decide whom he/she should marry. Their methods might have worked out for them but it's not necessary same methods will work for their children...
It's parent's duty to aid, advise n assist while taking decision about to whom to marry... But ultimate decision should rest with the person who is gonna face the decision for next 50 yrs! Indian parents still haven't understood this concept!
From what you say your girl at least put up a fight, tried convincing her mother. So I can't give her zero in that test. But I seriously think, if you can't convince your parents or ready to run-away you have no right to commit n keep other person hanging... Your girl had a chance/ still has a chance to convince her so-called fiancée, "I don't love you n in this situation help me to get out." Any nice guy would help! n For her it is not over till "phere", so she can run-away whenever she wants!
About your guy, the only thing he can do is let it go. Only sensible thing to do is to tell her that I'll wait till some specific time, max an year. n till then n after that just let it go. I know it's difficult. Believe me, when I tell you, I have authority to comment on this. When you know the ball is not in your court there is no point in swinging your racket. This wait is gonna be sad, long, depressing, frustrating and probably it's gonna end with her wedding but that's the only thing he can do at this point. Do keep doing his work. He is surgery houseman, he won't have time for all this.
A boy n girl met during independence struggle... He is maratha n she is bramhan... Practically impossible... They ran away, got married n we just celebrated their 62nd anniversary last June! This is the story of my maternal grandparents... I know real love stories from that era till this generation and the way I see it, current generation is way too much dependent on their parents than before... It's not respect or fear but children are groomed in an environment where their inbuilt rebellious attitude is taken out in childhood only!
But there are still people like your Noah, many of my batchmates who struggled to finally win approval at home...
You have to fight in life if you wanna live it on your terms...
Really nice post sir...
Through this i can just say that we were and will always be puppets n the strings are there in the Destiny's hands... in life there are too many things we want it to happen, but somehow it never happens to us...
Thats life....at times happening...n at times... not Happening...!!!
@aniket- i completely agree to wat u say..but t helpless feelin is gettin to me!!!!!!
@jayesh- thank u fr those inspirin words!
@shraddha-hmmn.. i kno tat u believe in t philosophy tat whatever happens ..happens fr t good! hope tats true, always!
@omkar halwai- yup, wat u say is so v true! ppl go thru such ups n dwns during mbbs, residency n there s somethin to learn at each step!
@omkar hendre- phew.. lovely comment! cant say anythn more coz u ve said it all!
@pallavi- destiny is a difficult word, indeed!
On second thoughts, when it is about love, does one use logic or intuition?
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