My Best Gift.....!!!

Gift-(v)(adj) present, souvenir, reward, award, donation, offering, endowment (synonyms).

An integral part of our lives in this field of medicine revolves around medical representatives( MRs) and the services that they offer(…er, don’t get me wrong..not those services!! Kuch bhi!! I mean the support services that they offer..!!???) They come after you, wait for you, call for you, hoot for you and lots more.. all for one cause..
Sir, plz write my product!
And then the bribery starts…

I remember when I was a first year resident in Gen Surgery, one particular MR would always come up and say- Sir plz write my product and I will provide you with couple tickets for any show wherever you want!!! To be frank nothing pisses me off more than being offered couple tickets when- one, im still single;-) and two, when even the rat in my ward knows that a first yr resident in surg does not step beyond gate no 2 for an year!!! Huh..movie tickets anyone!

Another MR always used to come with some lucky draw coupons and tickets.. Sir I just need your name and phone no and I would put them in the lucky draw where you stand a chance to win a car (once toh he said Shirt! And I was like, waah aaj kal shirt ke liye bhi lucky draw hone lage!)..blah blah!!I would rather have someone fund the fuel of my car and foot my phone bills instead! Duh!

MR s are also very sensitive to the general condition and the atmosphere prevailing around you at any given point of time! So when Anup ( AnupTamhankar-the golden boy of kemh and my roomie and my best friend!!) tied the knot with Tanu, in the first year itself, the spectrum of gifts he received changed over to include crockery sets, pillow covers, bedsheets, make up kits, wall hangings(..wow..!!) .. while we were subjected to the same old pens and diaries and books!!! Smart!! Early marriage does have its perks after all….

Another one of my Pappus who was an alprazolam addict had loads and loads of Restyl being gifted to him every opd …and soon it was flowing over in my wards as well …with every patient now having Restyl, the night before surgery ..thus replacing the age old diazepam after a long time!! Diazepam could finally rest in peace!

As for the orthopaedic guys…. Their gifts always included a generous amount of booze! Sir, we re holding a party at Hotel Ramee Guestline at Dadar from 8.30 pm tonight. Please be there with all your friends ( thankfully they never invited the WAGs, else the divorce/ break up rates would peak after every such party.. and after a very good demonstration of the synergistic effect of alcohol and dim light and trance music!!). I was surprised to see the first year residents attending the parties when we surg residents couldn’t go beyond the laxman rekha! It was then that I understood what the real state of affairs were.. these poor pappu s were roped in as drivers and they had to load their luggage( read as heavily inebriated and drunk seniors!!) into the cars and get them safely back to the hostel at the end of the party! Poor guys….tsk tsk!

And talking of gifts how can I forget the friendly lab on the other side of the road opposite KEMH?? ( They always cared for our health, didn’t they???)You could order for anything under the Sun and it would be delivered straight to your room!! And the list was indeed extensive… pendrives, computer speakers, cricket bat, table tennis ka net, the ICU manual, chit chat internet connection ka bill, yearly subscription to the national geographic or femina or debonair ( your choice, it’s a democratic world out here!! He he!!), dish tv, akai ka tv and of course pizzas(dominos, mamma mia, garcias, pizza hut, etc). plus the fact that these good people never distinguished between residents and interns and so both could avail of the benefits!

Thus the MRs do their best to keep everyone happy.. the only ones who were left unhappy at the end of all this were our beloved brethren-the radiologists and anaesthesiologists! For three years I have patiently listened to them voice their resentment and unhappiness of not being approached by these happiness providers aka MRs…..so Sam, Aaks, Durgu.. if you guys happen to be reading this article, let me remind you guys that you have selected your field by your own choice, so plzz don’t complain! He he!!

Well as I end this write up.. let me tell you guys about the best gift that I had received till date!

Nope it wasn’t a MR who gave it to me but a patient.. now this person was operated for an inguinal hernia by our team, and we had playfully joked with him-
Aur phir aap hamme party kab de rahe ho?
Now this guy was a poor chanawala who made his living by going places and selling chana and singdana.. he could barely afford to pay the expenses of the surgery!( I had no idea that he was so poor, else we could have sanctioned it free!). in fact he was detained in the ward because he could not pay the op charges and a neighbouring patients relative had volunteered to bail him out..( again, I had no idea of all this, trust me! And I do feel damn guilty!) But he had remembered that we had demanded a party! So when he turned up for suture removal, he met me and said-
Sir, humne aapke liye kuch laaya hai.. aapke ward ke side room mein rakha hai! Operation karne ke liye bahut bahut shukriya! Ab main theek ho gaya hun, bhagwan aap sab ko saari khushiyaan de!
After I finished my opd, I went to the side room.. I saw a big bag with 3 small bags …he had given us 3 kgs of chana , singdana and dal… he had not given me a gift, he had parted with his 15 days salary.. never had I felt more helpless in life..he did not have the money to pay his hospital bill nor did he have any means of giving us a party.. but he had a large and generous heart…and that made him richer by a few million pounds ..more than any of us!!!