...love is one thing in the ocean, i should try to forget!!!!

an empty street, an empty house..
a hole inside my heart..
i am all alone and the rooms are getting smaller...
i wonder how, i wonder why, i wonder where they are..
the days we had.. the songs we sang.. together!! oh yeah!!!!!!

I was listening to this song by Westlife when suddenly I heard a knock on my door.. I opened it ..and it was him on the other side! I signalled him to come inside and we sat on my bed! His face seemed different.. something was amiss.. i couldn’t spot that everlasting smile that i usually associate with this guy!!!!! Why? What had happened???
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Well folks, I am really sorry that I had to make you guys wait this long..Life s on the edge and I am living it one day at a time.. We had a few difficult days in CVTS of late,and so I hardly had any time to pen down my thoughts which I so very badly wanted to do! 

......but today I spoke to a very close friend.. my student once upon a time..then an intern and now a very close aide, and as he narrated to me the recent turn of events in his life, my heart bled for this poor lil creature.. so just hold back guys, take a deep breath and relax..as I take you through my next piece of work...Im gonna take about 12 mins of your life.. it will take you 10 mins to read it and I reserve the next 2 mins for you to write a comment in the comments section!
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So , here it goes...

Enter MBBS.. the turning point for most of our lives ... and the modest backdrop to this whole story...[yup, as usual its a true story and i will change the names to protect the identities of those concerned!]

It was the first day of MBBS...
....“We welcome you to this wonderful profession and a world where happiness lies in giving away things.. being selfless and striving to do the best that we can for the poor sufferers of pain and infirmity, those ill fated inopportunes that we refer to as- our patients!
....’om sibi sibi sed omnibus’.. that should be your motto for the years to come.. “not for self but for all!!!!”

...a thunderous rapture greeted those lines made by none other than our respected dean sir!! Yes.. today was Noah s first day at JMLT and in this cherished and most sought field of medicine!!!

The next place to visit the very next day, was the ‘dissection hall’.. and what a site awaited the eyes! Cadavers ...in fact many cadavers.. all strewn upon the tables and waiting for us to explore them and gain an useful insight to our bodies! Thud!!!!!!! Oh!! It seemed like someone had hit the ground real hard.. Noah rushed to see.. and what did he see.. a sweet lil gal had a sudden blackout! People rushed to get her glucose to drink, some fanned her while the Prof suggested to elevate her legs and she would be fine in a while... as she opened her eyes she saw Noah and he could feel something... something that he just couldn describe coz he never had that feeling before![ Well, she fell down..and Noah ,too, fell.. but for her!! ]
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I was playing my favourite playlist on my laptop as we spoke and was there a better way to describe his feelings than this song which was playing..

woh pehli baar..jab hum mile..
haathon mein haath...jab hum chale
ho gaya yeh dil diwana..hota hai pyaar kya is ne jaana
tree aankho mein jannat basa ke chala
tere zulfon ki chaaw mein chalta chala
tere naino mein chain.. tere lab pe khushi
tujhko hi mein mohabbat banake chala...!!!

it was a fond rememberance of the days they had and I could see the tears in Noah s eyes!
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As the days went by, Noah s fondness for Allie grew likewise! [ Oops, did i forget to mention that her name was Allie.. Guys,m really sorry!]

At this juncture let me tell you something bout the two of them..

Noah was a very intelligent kid and a wonderful person at heart! He was good in studies , came from a family of doctors and would definitely do well in the years to come! Allie on the other hand was a sweet and cute lil gal..Her father was battling a terminal illness and her mother was a retired high court judge! And she had Noah for company.. someone who would take care of all the deficiencies in her life.. he was there by her side through thick and thin.. would sit with her everyday in the lib just to ensure that her studies were not affected due to the personal problems that she had! Obviously he missed out on his at times.. but Noah would never let her realise all that.. she was his only assignment and he felt that God had assigned her to him! Noah would skip his dinner but he would always drop something for Allie after the gates of the Girls’ Hostel were shut down![usually that would be eleven!].. It was during these days that Noah had confessed his love for Allie and she had agreed! ..promised him that come what may they would be together..till death did them apart! Noah was so happy on that day that he could not sleep the whole night..

and as he was narrating this, my playlist shifted to this lovely song by Nikhil D Souza-

mere bina main..rehne laga hun..
teri hawain..kehne laga hu..
jaane mein kaise ..tera hua hun..
mujhe to lagta hai main shayad..tere dil ki duaan hun..
tujh ko jo paaya.. toh jeena aaya..
ab yeh lamha thehar jaaye, tham jaaye, bas jaaye..
hum dono ke darmiyan..
tujhko jo paaya.. toh jeena aaya...

wow! that indeed summed up the phase that Noah was in at this point of time...

Well, the years slipped by quickly and I am sure you guys will agree! Before you know its already Final Year and Harrison, Bailey, Shaw, Ghai ..they re all there to rag you and squeeze out every lil bit of free space you possess in those wonderful microscopic entities called neurons!

As for Noah and Allie.. their love was 5 yr old by now ! Quite a few valentine days, some wonderful gifts and sweet moments; where they held hands , cuddled together in the darkness of PVR , and his shoulder doubled up as her ‘head rest’ ;had passed! University exams were round the corner.. and I too remember having prayed for them.. for her in particular when she said that her Gynaec pracs were in Wadia with some real nasty examiners to satisfy! She was my lil sis n i always wanted her and him..’the lovely couple’ to do well! Finally the results were out, I was due for a big treat! We were at TGIF and had a great time!

The next phase of life had begun and what a phase it would turn out to be! Internship was in..running from pillar to post for completions were a norm these days! It was then that suddenly, Allie lost her dad one day! She was heart broken.. inconsolable to say the least! Noah was there by her side ,as always!... he was ready to weather this storm which had engulfed his gal and he did pull her out of it unscathed! He stood behind her, helped her regroup and find her way! Slowly the days passed . AIPGEE was over and the results were out.. she had Opthal at Udaipur and he had Surgery at Patna.. separated by distance for the very first time!!!!! It was now that fate had decided to play its part! Allie went home to see her mom...
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Noah had started sobbing by now.. it was this part that he hated the most! On their last talk , over the phone,he had pledged his love for her...he knew that her mom was completely against their relationship and would never approve of it.. but he wanted it to happen , come what may! He just could not imagine his life without her...she was the pacemaker that drove his heart! Without her it would be a flat line! He just wanted her to know that- as Richard Marx beautifully expresses in his song...

oceans apart..day after day.
i m slowly going insane..
i hear your voice, all my life..
but it doesn’t stop the pain..
if i see you next to never.. how can we see forever..
wherever you go, whatever you do.. i will be right here waiting for you!
whatever it takes or how my heart breaks... i will be right here waiting for you!
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..........The skies were no longer blue.. the monsoons were here and along with it also arrived those dreadful thunderstorms!
Allie tried her best to convince her mom. but it was not to be! She was scorned off..ostracised by her family[ Mom s the word!] She was at cross roads and had to decide! Mom had fixed her engagement with another guy, a family friend s son..to make the matters worse! Clearly time was running out and there were only 2 choices.. her state reminds me of a similar state that the female protagonist had to face in the movie- The Notebook! And when that lady says –“ wat easy way out? there is no easy way out! whatever i do, somebody get s hurt..” Nicholas Sparks had indeed hit bulls-eye!

Allie had no support from her family but she had Noah and his family by her side! And it wouldn’t be an under statement to say that he would do anything and everything to keep her happy! He tried to convince her mom, but she would just not budge! She had to take the final call...

She decided that it would be the best to part ways!

And as Noah mentioned it to me.. he burst out crying..!


My playlist had probably decided to play a song apt for every mood today and so MLTR began.. on a melancholic note...

baby would you tell me why, there s sadness in your eyes!
i don’t wanna say goodbye..to you!
love is one thing in the ocean, i should try to forget..
but there is something left in my head!
you re the one who started it up..
and you re the one to make it stop!
i m the one who s feeling lost ..right now!
now you want me to forget, every lil thing you said..
but there is something left in my head!

...and that was the end of what would be a lovely story! Such a painful end to something that could blossom into a wonderful flower...

GUYS,
That brings me to the end of this write up and its time for your valuable suggestions..
Clearly the way i see it, this story could have had 2 endings..

One, in which Allie could go against her mom coz she knew that she would be happy only with Noah and every parent at the end of their lives would like to see their children happy! She would be ostracised, for a year or for an unknown period of time! True! But when her mom would realise that she was indeed happy ...she would be satisfied! And then she would be accepted back into the family! This was how I wished things would happen...

Two, Allie had to make that extremely difficult decision to defy her guy! B’coz at the end of the day it is never easy to go against someone who has brought you up, held you up when you could no longer walk..nursed your wounds as a child and prayed for you everyday of her life! You meekly surrender to fate and accept life as it would be...!
I really do not know which of the two is right...both are plausible theories and I believe both will ve their own supporters and detractors!

Who should shoulder the blame... the individual in question or the society at large! Will there ever be a day where ‘love’ would be valued over all or is that just a fictionary and imaginary thing that probably would never exist![ ..going by the fact that Allie s mom was a judge by profession, I thought that she would pass a fair judgement! But it was not to be! Clearly education and knowledge have no place when it comes to following the age old customs and traditions! We preach that things have to change but we are so defiant when it comes down to us..changing our outlook towards life! Hippocrates we are and thats what we would be!

And as I say goodbye... to both Noah and Allie... all I am gonna say is..
Allie, I know all is lost..and I am not blaming you for it..probably its destiny[ my favourite word..those who read my blog would surely know this!]! But the guy sitting next to me would like to sign off saying .....[..that s his last wish and Im sure you wouldn’t refuse to hear it..!]

Look into my eyes...you ll see
what you mean..to me!!
search your heart, search your soul...
you ll find me there, you search no more..!
don t tell me , its not worth trying for..
you cant tell me, its not worth dying for!
you know its true!!
everything i do... i do it for YOU!!!!

tats them..in happier times!!

....the last few words, before i call it a DAY!!!!!!!

Well, i was just sitting in my room.. thinking bout ‘someone’ special that we all wish for at some point of time in our lives!! Dunno how she s gonna be.. is she gonna be someone who s so very like you or the exact opposite ...coz as they say’ opposites attract!’ i really dunno... and truly so; as me and Nagesh discussed it in the cab[ Nagesh is my junior in cvts and we were going to Shalimar to satisfy our ‘sinful’ appetite!!!...] as cvts guys.. who has the time to spare, sit and stare!! leave aside lookin for one and then meeting up! phew! that s just too much to expect from us! right!!

Then as i tried to channel my wandering mind into doing something more fruitful, i came across this amazing piece which i thought i should share..simply coz its too good, too heart-rending, too poignant, too heart breaking, too emotional and maybe too bad coz it ended the way it did...

I admit that i am a MCP at times!! [but a milder version..ok!] That was one of the reasons’ why i counselled all the gals who wanted to take up surgery to do radio/ ob-gyn/ opthal /skin /psych /anaes/ peds.. and inspite of all that coercing when one of them said-“sir, i wanna do CVTS like you!”.. i just felt like pulling myself apart! ..but why am i talking bout my persona here..let it be..sorry folks!!!!!.... let me quickly take you through the article that i wanted you to read.. its a long one, will take 5 mins out of your valuable life.. but i suggest that its worth it.. so go ahead... here it comes....!!

“When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote –‘I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.’

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves.

So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

Yup , true thinking bout marriage does give me those jitters! And i ve seen quite a few of them turn sour and so i tend to be a lil afraid of how things gonna shape up on my personal front! in a world complicated by multiple hook ups, pre marital intimacies and woes..not to mention those extra marital flings, as this piece of work just described.. true the best part of our lives are long forgotten in return for some of the short time sinful pleasures!!!! sad..

This story reminded me of my two of my favourite novels- PS-I LOVE YOU by Cecelia Ahern and LOVE STORY by Erich Segal.. read them if you haven’t to savour those delicacies of life... something called eternal LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!