Memoirs of an AS[h]LI WEDDING…. Filmi ishtyle!!!

At the outset itself, let me declare that this article is a work of fiction and bears no resemblance to anyone or anything living or dead (though, you may seem to differ after reading it…but as you know… my works depict the truth and nothing but the truth..blah,blah..in the purest of its form, and therefore you have no other option, BUT….to believe me!!!!!)

KEYWORDS-
Ashwin Sane, Sayali Tamhankar, Anup Bhatt, Tanu, Ashray Shrinkare, Indian Wedding,…..& lots more!!

MATERIALS AND METHODS-
All GS ka stuff….. hidden cams, those lonely alleys, the evergreen katta, all those smses secretly tucked away in the ‘drafts’ folder, and the always dependable- CCD & High Street Phoenix!!

INTRODUCTION-
Well they say that marriages are made in heaven (….enacted on earth, and fulfilled by spending the rest of our lives in hell!!!....ok ok, please don’t take all that in brackets too seriously!!he he!)..and they also say that you eventually wed the one you are destined to be with….
………….and lazybones that I am, I fully agree and abide by what they say. Because this funda suits me perfectly. You don’t have to break your back over a girl, woo her with all those ‘goodies n gifts’ and then burp out the million dollar question and face the toughest exam in your life, till you get a- YES, and then you gift her the eternal ring n create the FEVICOL bond between the two of you!! Phew …that s quite something na!

The easier way out, is to do what I do.. just step outside the house, look up, and say- Heavens, for god’s sake don’t do this to me…GIVE ME.. RED!!!(Oops, read that as my girl!! …that ‘eveready ad’ has got into my head, dunno why!). Else, you could pamper your parents to find the heavenly match for you! Cool na, coz it saves all those efforts and the time!

So today morning, I was in for the biggest shock of my life!! My mom walked up to me and announced-“after your MS exams are over, find the gal you are interested in and let us know, and we ll do the needful.” My head went into a spin. Oh! Come on mom, if I could do that then why did I wait all these years….you could ve said that when I was in K.G…and I would ve found her by now!! To start afresh, that too..now..oh god! Don’t you know how lazy(read as, confused) I am, esp on these issues! Please don’t try this(at home) on your only kid! But she wouldn’t budge..and as the saying goes- the mother knows her son, the best!..i had to retreat. So life was not going to be the bed of roses that I had imagined! I would, NOW, have to take, the untrodden path…take the long walk till Cupid hits me and I would be down with battered knees!!(..coz you always fall in love and, then, your knees get injured!). Boo Hoo!!

So I looked around if there was an easier way! My roomie, Anup Bhatt was my best bet. He had done all the hard work as an intern and had married the woman of his dreams! I was very sure he would not want me to go through all those stressful turns and turmoils! But inspite of coaxing him to the maximum, he wouldn’t do it all. Utmost he would do, would be to tell me bout a girl ,and then, again I was on my own…lost in Rome…far far away from home!! So now what? It was then that I spotted the lil one ashwin sane.. he had recently got engaged to sayali tamhankar, without much of an effort! Well, how did he do it? What was his modus operandi? It was then that it dawned upon me- the HITCH phenomenon!! And here s how it goes….

CASE PRESENTATION-
Ashwin Sane was born on 13th may. So was I.
He was a Taurean. So was I.
He was lazy, and I was lazybones!
He aspired to be a surgeon, and I intended to.
Thus, in spite of all those similarities, we had differed on one point…finding the PERFECT match! He had done it and I was going bonkers, thinking over it!

It was then that the truth dawned upon me..he had actively pursued the hitch phenomenon (no not SWAYAMWAR-coz it is old fashioned yaar , and it works 50:50, worked for Rahul , not for Rakhi). The hitch phenomenon always works..and the best testimony to this fact is that he has the cute lil’ Sayali tamhankar by his side!! So what did he do..

Knowing Ashwin, the lazy boy that he is, it is impossible that he would go all out and tell a girl that he loves her and would like to spend the rest of his life with her!! He suffers from ankyloglossia, just as I do! He could flung her books out of the lib when she took his place by mistake, but a chivalrous ashwin was unknown!! And I was stumped , the day I heard it all. Ashwin had indeed done the impossible!!! not just did he propose to her, but he had also apologized for his misdeeds in the past. Sweet lil Sayali, flummoxed, bewildered, bemused, puzzled, perplexed and mystified by the sudden turn of events had said –yes! He was as happy as one could be, and I was wondering the missing link to thee!!!

Then I understood- the wonders of the hitch phenomenon!
In this phenomenon, you get hitched to your dad s best friend’s daughter. Both the families know each other from times immemorial…and thus you are never at sea. Her parents like you and your parents are fond of her, too. Thus, all those qualms, worries, uncertainties, fears and doubts that Chetan Bhagat had in his life( ref-TWO STATES), apna Ashwin didn’t!! with all that confidence behind him, all apna Pappu had to do was to walk and talk( no wonder IDEA has that as its punchline..) and he did just that!!!

DISCUSSION-
I was discussing this thread with another close friend Ashray Shrinkare, who happens to be in the same boat as Ashwin..and then I realized that this formula can work wonders for most!! So Ashray, if you happen to read this one, the moral of the story is to keep your eyes wide open and tag all your dad s friends daughters’ on orkut/ facebook / twitter coz , now you know, exactly where the options lie!!!(..and that’s the truth and not a lie!!)
And for Ashwin, before I call it a day…
Dude, please gift her the RELIANCE mobile..it s a family tradition and you must keep it alive! Anup did that to Tanu..and made her a part of THE FAMILY, and I’m sure you would OBLIGE!!

CONCLUSIONS-
As I conclude this write up, I am thankful to Sayali for not wearing heels..else I would have a pretty bad lump on my head, by now! Heels hurt, your normal shoes don’t! Thanks for being kind to me!!
Also I want Chetan Bhagat to realize the potential of this indigenous weapon we possess..and thus we need not ape the West in matters of love, coz ours are still the best!
As for me, sadly even this option didn’t work….so till I find a new one…follow my blog! And if you ve an idea-please feel free to share it with me coz AN IDEA CAN CHANGE A LIFE, as Abhishek rightly says!!