To be or NOT to be, is the question!

Its been a long time that I have penned down something for my blog! You can say that the nuances of a hectic cardiac unit has probably done this to me! But I love to write! I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions! I love to write when im happy and enjoy it when sad! I write best , when I am either falling in love or falling apart! So today, after a brief hiatus .. I decided to write again!

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I finished all my CT alls, the orders for the admitted patients and retired back to my side room. Being a single resident in a heavy surgical unit made things worse! You had to finish male ward rounds, female ward rds, cvts icu rds, ems icu rds, micu rds, anaes icu rds and see any patient of yours transferred to any other speciality ward in KEM. Finally after all this, as a daily routine you would slump down on that single bed next to the table with all the discharge papers and blood collection bottles! Most of US would be battling depression in that phase! But I was happy, this is what I always wanted to be… ! I loved cricket, writing, trekking, listening to music.. but my first love was always SURGERY!..and when you really love something /someone , you are willing to go that extra mile and take all that suffering.. with a candid SMILE!

And I was smiling today.. as it was an pre emerg day.. on ideal grounds it should have been an off call , but without a co, you had to be on campus![ anyways surgeons= no social life!] My pre emerg day meant that it was Sunil s emergency! That’s how the units were planned in KEM ,two units in the ward had their heavy and light days complimenting each other, so that if for example Sunil had an heavy emergency going, I would come down and help him out! [ I love the protocols we had, took some time to understand why things were so strict and different.. but retrospectively, now I can say that those were the best!]

Soon there was a knock on the door! Who would do that at 3am unless its an emergency? I got up and opened the door. I see my ward mama perspiring , those beads of sweat on his forehead made me a tad uncomfortable! Who has sweat at 3am on a cold night? Is he hypoglycemic? Did he take insulin and then,forgot to eat? He was stammering… ya , must be that.. I thought! I switched on the light, told him to sit down and then talk!

“Sunil ko maara!” those were the first words that trickled out of his mouth!
“ Bahut laga hai! Haath pe fracture lag raha hai! Sudhir ko bhi sar pe maara, abhi CT mein leke gaye hai usko!” Subhash mama was mumbling and trembling!

See , with a residency this tough.. even HELL seemed a pleasure place! But what it did to us , was that it made us a very close knit family! All the residents of the batch were friends for life! Be it a guy or a gal, we were there through thick and thin! Be it fighting with Krunal when we teased him with Nimisha[ a continuous banter day in and out] and he came at 12am at midnight to clarify to us that aisa kuch hai hi nahi, saala khaali phukat chida rahe ho.. nimi ko bura lagega [ and now they are a married couple, the first from our batch to marry..pehla love marriage ! and I keep telling everyone their story.. I can still remember Krunal s face when he came at us and yelled that night..ha ha!] and Nimisha was no less a tyrant.. when I would keep collecting all the HGT strips and keep in the bottle in my apron pocket, now I know how they would disappear. The apron was on the chair in the ward, the bottle with the lid intact.. but the vanishing strips did bother me then till I realized that they were with this lady in the preceeding ward! No wonder she always offered me to help with my ct alls and I would revert back saying- handwriting alag hone se nahi chalega! But after all these years, they are a wonderful couple and friends for life!


Similarly the ward sisters, mamas, etc were a huge family. I still remember them cooking and keeping rice, daal, one sabji and a banana which we would eat at 4pm as lunch. The sister in charge getting milk and chicken in a dabba every day when Sunil was ill and needed proteins! …The mama s trying to make us smile with all their stories, getting hot water to bathe at 5am and a bucket with a mug, getting us a razor to shave looking at our unkempt look, getting the bread butter at 2am when we missed dinner, etc . A new shirt was gifted to us when they saw us in the same dress for days at a time.. the stench probably did that..ha ha! But that was how residency was.. work , work and work.. the side room was home, and the ward members..our family! I still remember the joy when the first appendectomy we operated went home! Each of us would have his or her own story of the first surgery..1st appendectomy, 1st perforation, 1st thyroid, 1st tracheostomy, 1st BK amputation…the list goes on and on! And nothing made us more happy than seeing these patients go home happy.. trust me ,that is all a doctor yearns for! A happy patient.. his smile and good wishes make our day! I still vividly remember the first CPR and the fact that we couldn’t save him. None of us were in a mood for dinner that night! Eyes were moist, and the heart bled a little!

So when I heard about what happened to Sunil and Sudhir, we rushed to the EMS[ EMS= emergency wing of kem, ESR to be more specific]. What had happened is that a 70 year old chronic alcoholic who had been drinking since evening had come with hematemesis[ a condition in which you vomit out copious amount of blood secondary to ruptured oesophageal varices] and had breath his last as soon as his trolley reached the ESR ! He did not give us any time to do any intervention… immediately CPR was started, he was intubated and life saving drugs administered into him. But alas, that was not enough! And we all know how fatal this condition can be. But as soon as his death was pronounced by him, they all pounced on him and beat the smithereens out of the surgical registrar on call, Sunil![ and im not talking bout GOT here] . Poor guy, he had just come out of an illness that he had contracted treating the open Kochs patients in the ward, not giving a damn to his own health! And tonight, he got his reward! Sudhir understood that the deceased relatives would like to get the paperwork done at the earliest. So he had gone to the mortuary to fill up the papers.. and that’s where they pounced on him too! 25 guys on one Sudhir.. clearly he wasn’t a wrestler .. and so had to bear the brunt!

With time the wounds would heal. Sunil s plaster cast was off in 6 weeks.. he still continued to do ct alls with the cast in situ. Never did he ask for a vacation and refused to go home and tell his parents about the incident. Sudhir too continued with his daily activities, a hairline fracture of his skull was a gift he had to be happy and content with!

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So what makes me go back into the past and take out these memories from the bag? [ my fav bean bag of the best days in life!] Frankly, how politics have made people brazen and insensitive, hurts us more than anyone else! Never hurt the heart that heals! We understand the sadness and how it feels when a life is lost! As a CVTS guy, I have seen this aspect closer than anyone else! Sometimes irrespective of your best efforts, you are not successful! The power to give one life , is in the domain of what we all call.. GOD[ different religions, different names!]

So,
I feel like it's time to speak up.
I don't quite know where to start.
Because the state of resident doctors today is so pityful,
It really crushes my heart.

So this one's for those with no fixed working hours ,
This one's for their sleepless nights,
This one's for their quiet breakdowns,
And for all their silent plights.

For all the times they've put patients first,
Before their own swollen feet and varicose veins,
For the countless instances they've treated an ailing,
At the cost of ignoring their own aches and pains.

How conveniently have we forgotten,
The times they've had their lunch at 9,
And what about those times they lied to their own parents,
Saying that they were absolutely fine.

Yet in return for these services,
Our colleagues have been beaten black and blue,
And while some have grevious injuries,
One's fighting for his life in an ICU.

Since when has this become tolerable,
A hospital environment turning violent,
Are all doctors disposable?
If not, why is the media silent ?

I question this lack of support.
Do you really think doctors don't have a voice?
But a community most likely to revolt
Is one which is left with no other choice!

To our tigers in Bengal, we say,
You've shown great courage-stay strong.
Doctors of this nation are with you,
Those hoodlums will pay for their wrong.

All doctors today stand in solidarity,
And ask for a law to protect us all,
So that none of our colleagues are ever harmed
When they are out there working on call.

To all the non-medicos I urge you to speak up,
For the situation has now become intense,
So far we've only used our scalpel to heal,
Please don't make us use it in self- defence.
- by the ‘shaken’ doctor

So , I hope that this situation will change hence! An eye for an eye is never the answer! But that doesn’t mean that you chop off my hands and I will not revolt!

Admist the sadness, let me end the article with some good memories that I had.. after surgery it was KEM CVTS. If surgery was hell, CVTS was 200 feet under! But irrespective of all the unearthly working hours, infinite stress, half the unit ending with divorces, hearing the great lady say.. why would I marry off my daughter to you? What quality of life can you give her when you spend 15 hours in the OT each day! And then calling it off! …I think we have seen it all!
But eventually it was CVTS which pulled us out of the darkest days of life.. and for that I shall always be grateful! So, time to get back, to the hectic life…. Dunno when the next one s gonna be ! adios!

thats a dear friend, an anaesthesist by profession.. ended up with POTT s spine which needed almost 2 years to get cured completely. obviously acquired while treating patients, but inspite of all the pain.. the SMILE was not lost. another great buddy, and a famous radiologist now, reading his CT scan then.. good ole days!

the famous ESR, non stop, patients' would troll.. and we were always up to the task..sun or rain, the ESR services always went ON!

The ward side room with the bed.. the CIRCLE of life for a resident began and ended here!

when you say -im dead tired today! what is the image that comes to your mind?
for us , this was it..be it lying on the trolley waiting outside the OT or on the bed, doing the CTalls!

thats HIM, with a plaster cast.. before and after the ATTACK. the spirit to serve and live life to the fullest was taught to us at our alma mater! life goes on, never forget to smile! he s a big laparoscopic surgeon at his home state, so happy for him!

the best buddies for life, how i miss those days! damn!

those #NOTEDIARIES, writing those half page notes while preparing for your exams, no respite from ward duties, no study leave, mavshi s dabba or the jeera rice with dal ...Patwardhan sir s wonderful ward rounds and our history taking sheets.. kem cvts , the good ole days!

docs do sleep on the floor, read for life, and work hard to get there! they dont celebrate birthdays as is the norm, everything happens in the side room! amazing memories!

So after all this when the question is asked.. TO BE OR NOT TO BE A DOC , in today s world..? i would still say BE ONE! life aint easy, but we are meant for tougher things! please dont mix political gains to demean a noble profession.. we work for the patients to be happy..respect that!